I can share that in my case one thing I have learned so far is this: my abusive background is indeed a huge factor in my draw to traditional relationships, but not in the ways most would asssume. I am drawn, as was also expressed here in some of the other posts of others, not to add to the abuse but to heal it. At the root of my abusive background was a lack of strong and protective male energy in my life, a lack of headship. My father was an alchoholic, often quite effeminate in his dynamics (as Patricia Allen explores, alchoholism tends to cause harmful reversals, making men more effeminate, women more emasculated), and he expected me to be the male energy and take care of him in too many ways to even count. Ways all very subtle and very very powerful. His dependence (and lack of providence and protection) was seen as fine--my dependence not allowed--the natural roles were reversed and left quite a wound and I have sought more natural traditional dynamics like a plant seeks sunlight truth be told, they are that healing to me.

The draw to "emotional intensity" is there in a sense too, though that doesnt quite express it right for me--I dont seek the dramatic but more a depth of bonding. Things need to feel deep, and very "real", for me... as the opposite is far too familar and wounding a road which I've seen the horrible fruit of firsthand. Lack of bonding, too much lightness, game playing (not just the obvious and manipulative kind but also the emotionally irresponsible new agely "life is game lighten up" sort of mentality), etc are the red flags for me (along with the red flag of natural gender being roles reversed or not taken seriously).

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Last-modified: 2022-02-18 (金) 00:59:31 (94d)